Finding, setting and maintaining healthy boundaries in any relationship can be complicated. Being in an ADHD affected relationship, it can be even harder because of the symptoms that are present with ADHD.
Let's explore some ways that boundaries can be affected by asking some questions.
The ADHD Partner
Understanding that there is a brain dysfunction at play here, setting and respecting boundaries can be more important for you. Here are some ways that ADHD can affect your boundaries.
Am I in my partner's space, do I follow them around? Am I touching in a respectful way, or touching too much? Am I dominating all of my partner's time? Am I taking care of property in a way that isn't destructive? Am I taking care of myself, my messes, my body, my finances, my job or am I leaving that for my partner? Am I active in child rearing? Am I interrupting others? Am I taking over others' projects in a controlling manner? Am I letting others take advantage of me by not being able to say no? Am I using defensive/angry tones when talking to my partner? AM I assuming my partner will handle every thing? Am I refusing to treat my ADHD symptoms?
The NON ADHD Partner
Yes, you may be holding it all together, being responsible for nearly every thing, however this can lead to unhealthy boundaries.
Assuming that you are the only person who can handle cleaning, cooking, child rearing, finances, weekend plans... is also a way that you are over stepping your boundaries.
Am I following my partner around, making sure they pick up after themselves, use things the proper way (as we deem fit)? Am I touching my partner in ways that feel good to them or to myself? Am I dominating my partners time in order to feel important? Do I go through my partners personal items, desk, phone, computer? Am I sacrificing my own needs to please my partner? So I let my partners feelings dictate my own? Am I communicating in a way to be heard or am I scolding and accusing in my tone?
Those are all ways in which we break boundaries, your own and your partner's.
Learning how to set healthy boundaries by knowing what areas to set them in, how to honor both yours and your partners and putting them into perspective can lead to a happier, healthier relationship.
If you would like help in walking through this process, please contact me.