We hate them, we punish our kids for telling them, we leave relationships because of them and yet, we lie to ourselves all the time, AND TOLERATE IT!
We look in the mirror and say things like, you're ugly or fat. We think thoughts throughout the day...I'll never be successful, pretty, strong, a good parent or able to follow the plan or do business this way and so many other lies. Our self talk is the loudest, most consistent voice we hear everyday. Why are we repeating the self sabotaging mantras? Better yet, how do we stop?
Most of us realize that our self talk, errors on the side of negative and even when we TRY to 'think positive' and repeat our newly written down goals and encouraging words we fail to be consistent and end up reinforcing our negative beliefs.
Just 'thinking positive' and forcing those newly found rainbow and butterfly statements out doesn't work, because our brain doesn't believe it!
Looking in the mirror and saying you are beautiful, you are perfect when we see that extra weight that we're carrying is not something we can believe. BUT, looking in the mirror and saying I love you, just the way you are and I am going to take better care of you....Now THAT is something you can believe! Sometimes just starting with, 'I have a body' and remembering what that body allows us to do each day is all we can muster, but its a start.
Another way we lie is by making statements like, 'the whole day is ruined', because we didn't get enough sleep, because the dogs were unruly (or the kids), or because you couldn't stick to your planned day or.... Get ahold of these thoughts and ask yourself, IS THAT TRUE? Is your day really ruined? The answer is a resounding NO. It is only your thoughts about that situation that are ruining your day.
Choosing what to think and thinking things that your brain can believe will create the biggest changes in your life.
So instead of just trying to think positive and say nice things, become aware of your actual thoughts and ask yourself, IS THAT TRUE? Really true!?
What do you want to think instead? Is there a TRUTH within, that will propel you in the direction of positive change and self talk that your brain can actually believe?
It is simple, but not easy. Our primitive brains are programed for the negative. We can, with a few new tools, really reprogram our self talk and get control over our lives.
Contact me to get started on your path.
What do you really want?
Have you asked yourself this question before?
Is the answer, Happiness, peace, riches.... certainly no one says chaos, confusion, frustration, anger, and yet, that is what most people are settling for.
When you are people pleasing, and going through the motions of what you think you are 'SUPPOSED' to do you will never find peace there.
Discovering what you really want AND don't want is where you will find peace. It starts with being completely honest with yourself.
Certainly we can sit down and write lists of future goals and achievements that sound great. Having goals is great, I encourage that. That's not really what I'm talking about. This is something deeper, something that can guide us in daily decisions. We can think we know what we desire most when we are just going through the motions. Truly knowing oneself and being able to navigate through each day with clarity and confidence that we know our wants and don't wants is where peace can be found.
I believe this coincides with boundaries, for we cannot set healthy boundaries without know what we want and don't want, what we choose to live with and what we choose to NOT live with.
It isn't always easy to recognize either of these. I found myself in a dilemma recently. I thought there was a situation in my relationship that if it was true that I would be totally fine with. We would just need to talk it through, but I would be ok with it. After bringing up the subject and saying that IF this were true that I would be totally fine with it, I ruminated for 3 days. I mopped around the house, found myself lost in thought, couldn't accomplish the smallest of tasks without feeling exhausted. I began to look around at my 'things', decorations, clothes, furniture....I kept saying to myself, 'I DON'T WANT THAT, OR THAT OR THAT....' It took me 3 days to realize that what I really didn't want was this situation in my relationship to be true and if it was, I THAT was what I didn't want! I had no control over whether or not this situation would be true in my relationship, but I knew if it was that I no longer wanted that relationship. As scary as that was to admit to myself, I was terrified to admit that to my partner. Once I admitted my truth, no matter the consequence, there was instant relief. It was my truth and what I wanted/didn't want for my life.
There is peace when you are honest with yourself!